As I sit here in Costa Rica, under a handmade armada with these friends I have known for 6 months now. I feel so useless, I don’t have Spanish to speak, I cannot communicate in their language. And sitting here, all Spanish I have learned in my life has left me. This seems to happen around kids, during kids ministry. It happened a couple times in Guatemala, and now I look forward to what this month holds, much of it includes this kids ministry.

So, as I sit and look at the dirt walls and concrete floors, I wonder what I am doing here. God, what am I doing here when I feel like I have so little to contribute? I know it's possible to portray the love of God through ways that do not include speaking. But, it's harder it takes longer and its harder to see, convey, pick up on. So I ask God why. Why am I here? Why didn’t You make me learn Spanish? Why isn't someone more qualified here?

Its because I am willing, so I am here.

I was willing to leave comfort. I was willing to leave a paying job, a stable, controlled life to bring the gospel to other places. To serve expecting nothing in return. This is a hard calling, but it’s the calling of everyone who follows Jesus with all they have.

I feel like I have been failing at every step, but I am willing.

Sometimes it seems like I can't do anything right, but I am willing.

I do not have the most gifts, or faith or confidence… but I am willing.

And He honors my willingness.

I think when we are willing to chase after Him, when we try He is honored.

The Psalms frequently describe praise to God with a whole heart.

"Praise the Lord! I will give thanks to the Lord with my whole heart"

Psalm 111:1

"Blessed are those who keep his testimonies, who seek him with their whole heart"

Psalm 119:2

"give me understanding, that I may keep your law and observe it with my whole heart"

Psalm 119:34

Honestly, I don’t know if I am truly following the Lord with my whole heart. I still have many things I do not want to let go of. But I am here, I am willing to sacrifice, to follow and obey, even when I cannot see the eternal perspective. 

Let's follow God to glorify Him with a willing heart.