Fearless

Picture this: you are back in your home country for the first time in 6 months. You have been homesick for 9 months and you are the closest to home you have been in almost a year. You are surrounded by familiarity…. You are worn out, you have done the hard thing by saying yes to jump into the uncomfortable.
And then.

You get on the biggest plan you’ve ever seen to fly the furthest you have ever been from home.
And you barley had time in the airport to talk to your family and friends.
Oh, and there’s a pandemic going on.

This was me during our three day travel “day” from Colombia to South Africa.

When I quickly fond my seat on this plane it all hit me. I turned to my friend across the isle and could not hold back the tears. I was so overwhelmed. I wanted to run off the plane. I just wanted to stop doing new things. Stop flying. Stop moving.

It was also beautiful. I had prayed to God for years to send me. I had always wanted to go to Africa. The sense of adventure and wonder was also overwhelming me. What a FAITHFUL God.

I felt like a kid as my eyes teared up again, “You remembered!”.
He remembered me asking Him to call me deeper even if I didn’t want it.
He remembered the years before I knew Him desiring so deeply to go far and wide.
He remembered when I got on my knees to plead with Him that I want to be the one to go.

I am in awe of how He knows my heart.

Okay, this next part is crazy.

Picture this: You are motion sick from two days of traveling. Your plane is sitting on the runway an extra 45 minutes. It’s a thunder storm. And you can see the flashes of lightning outside the foggy window….

I don’t even know how to build this part up. It was the worst turbulence I have ever been in. Ever. People are gasping, the flight attendants are yelling things over the intercom. We didn’t just drop, we shook and swerved and rattled. I have been on roller coasters slower and less turbulent that that. My friends to the side are praying out loud and yelling how they don’t want to die. Most of us were crying. It was wild.

I thought of Israel complaining in the wilderness- God why would You bring us here to die!?
Like them, I forgot, in that moment, the miracles I’ve seen and the promises He has spoken over me.

And then there was calm.

He didn’t promise there would be no turbulence. But He promises to be with me in it. I was literally shivering with fear, but He was with me in it. Jesus was sitting right next to me on the plane holding my hand, He knew it would be over soon. Jesus never waivered in trust that the Father had his soul safely in His hands. I remembered that He knows the number of hairs on my head.
God knows that about me! Why should I be afraid?

For the first time I was no longer overwhelmed by my fear, because He was sitting there with me and knew. He was watching me with love in His eyes, teaching me. Pouring out His love on me as I faced my fears- of being out of control, of dying in a plane crash, of being alone, of falling… like a good, good Father He was teaching me out of love and gentle discipline.

Above all else
I adore Your Name
Tune my heart, to sing Your praise

I am learning to fight my battles through worship. The whole flight, all 15 hours, I was experiencing a new comfort, discovering a new reliance on the Lord I have never felt before.

I left my fears on that plane and took with me His peace that surpasses all understanding.