My Why

As Covid ramped up in December, I needed to slow down.

This month, I needed to be present, I needed to compartmentalize, I needed to not over-think. This month I needed to remember what this mission, what my life of following Jesus means. 

This month has been hard. There was not enough to do, then there was too much to do. I wanted more, then I wanted less. Christmas was hard, it was hard to refocus on my vision on my mission here, it was hard to stop and just look at Jesus even though it felt like everything I was doing revolved around Him.

I have spent a lot of time this month trying to remember why I am here. 

Why write a blog?

Why choose this community?

Why did I leave my really good life to follow Jesus in this way?

It’s amazing how I can forget so quickly.

My whole answer is Deuteronomy 8, I would encourage you to read it, but I will summarize what I got from it.

I am reminded of the garden mandate, to be fruitful and multiply. I am called to live and multiply. I get to multiply disciples here, that is why I am on the Race.

He reminds me to just remember. Not just remember in part, but remember all the ways the Lord has lead me in my life. I love reflecting on how He has been part of my entire life, even when I wanted nothing to do with Him.

And I get to remember so “…that he might humble you, testing you to know what was in your heart, whether you would keep his commandments or not.” (8:2)

I got to answer the question I was so afraid of, would I follow His voice or not? My heart is all for God, but I forgot. He tested me by calling me closer to Himself, and I got to remember that He has my heart.  I am on the Race because I am being humbled and tested in order to follow God.

He humbled me (a lot) as I prepared for this time of saying Yes. He humbled me and let me hunger. The months of preparing for this trip and quarantine were really hard for me, but the Lord still fed me. He reminded me that I cannot live by my strength or by what I know or by how I am filled on earth, but I can only survive by living from His Word.

I am able keep His commandments by walking in His ways and fearing Him.

I am here because God wants to bring me into a good place. I am here because He wants me to “eat without scarcity”. I am on the Race because He has called me into this place where I “will lack nothing”. He wants me “to eat and be full”

I have gained reverence for God during this time of Covid.

He is in control.